I absolutely refuse to lay in bed tossing and turning, especially when something is eating at me. So, what's eating at me, hours before daylight on New Year’s Day? A lot of things. A whole lot of things. I don't do resolutions and I never have but, I did start last year with big plans to make some big changes in my life. Mostly, I failed, and that's eating at me.

Prior to reading those words, I was sitting there quietly, trying to order the “things” that needed tending for the day and, those looming for tomorrow. Seems there are always more “things”, than there is day and the demon of discouragement wearing a "you're a failure" t-shirt, is never far from my door. Such is life. Looking back at my younger years, I learned that courage, is indeed a choice and, there has been no better example in my life to fall back on than a cold day in February 1989, standing on a pile of dirt, in front of a few thousand people.

One of the heaviest things I ever put down was my professional baseball career that lasted for seven mostly injury plagued seasons. It's hard enough to pursue a big-league jersey when you are healthy. Adding the weight of constantly having to train through, heal up from, or play through, some type of physical injury adds a whole other level of required commitment, both physical and mental. It ultimately takes a toll.

Last night I was in bed at 10:00, but my mind immediately started racing. So much to do, so much waiting on me tomorrow, this week, this YEAR! I felt the apprehension washing in and then I felt my chest begin to tighten, followed by that all familiar slight tingle that washes over my body when it really gets cranked up. The enemy just smiled.